


Hollow and of No Use

by wildwinterwitch



Series: Driftwood [16]
Category: Broadchurch, True Love (TV)
Genre: Crossover, F/M, Series 1 Episode 8
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-27
Updated: 2013-04-27
Packaged: 2017-12-09 15:23:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/775757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildwinterwitch/pseuds/wildwinterwitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Holly makes a decision.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hollow and of No Use

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from “Driftwood” by Travis

She’d meant it when she told Alec she understood why he couldn’t be with her.

What he had said about the nature of Danny’s death, that it had been a crime of passion, had affected her worse than she’d thought at the time, and she only fully appreciated it halfway to school. She wasn’t normally slow on the uptake. It just took a while for the unspeakable, the incomprehensible, to sink in. She’d been confronted with child abuse before, and, strictly speaking, she had committed that unforgivable crime herself, Karen’s consent or not. Of course he’d be repulsed by her.

Holly briefly considered calling in sick, but she knew that if she did that, she’d drive herself mad inside the confines of her home. Working was certainly the better way to keep her sanity.

So, this was another example of her bad choices when it came to relationships, and she wondered why she kept making such bad choices in her relationships. The best option was for her to stop trying to be in a relationship at all. Clearly, she was better off alone.

Suddenly, she understood Alec so much better. He tried to keep her at bay at first, to protect both of them, but somehow she’d broken through his shell. And look what good it had done them. They both were brokenhearted, and she had learned that locking away her heart was certainly prudent for people like her. People with a dark secret.

“I touch no one and no one touches me,” she mumbled, spooning some instant coffee into her mug in the staff room.

“Such a sad song,” Paul commented. He passed her the sugar bowl, remembering only when she shook her head softly that she had her coffee black.

“It’s true, though, isn’t it?”

“You have your books and your poetry to protect you?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

She smiled. “Yeah, in a way.”

He scoffed. “You don’t mean that.”

She kept smiling, pouring the boiling water over the granules in her mug and stirring the dark liquid with a spoon. “You tell me.”

“Nah, you don’t. It’d be such a waste,” he commented, clamping his mouth shut and colouring. He concentrated on preparing his own hot drink.

“Or maybe it wouldn’t,” she said.

“Seriously, Holly. What happened?”

For a heartbeat she was tempted to tell him, but then she remembered her resolve not to trust anyone with her story again. “I’d rather not talk about it,” she said.

“Well, if you change your mind, you know where to find me.”

“Thanks.”

He pursed his lips, understanding that she wouldn’t seek his advice, at least not about this.

When she checked her mobile she found a message from Alec. _Please talk to me,_ it read. She wanted to delete him from her contacts list, but couldn’t bring herself to do it. Neither did she reply. As far as she concerned, the break on the beach had been clean. There was nothing more to discuss.

-:-

She saw him on the news as she tidied up her place. Sitting heavily on the arm of the sofa, she noticed how tired he looked, how weary. He had indeed found Danny’s killer. She shuddered at the idea of what had happened to the boy, what had brought on such a horrible crime, and such tragedy for his family. Reaching for the remote, she turned the telly off and put on some music instead.

Holly was happy that he'd solved the crime. He’d worked so hard, even risking his life. He deserved all the praise he got, and she hoped that he’d be able to stay with the force and get that operation he so desperately needed.

For a moment she was tempted to send him a smiley, but that would mean breaking her resolution after less than a day and a half. Alec was better off without her. He’d find someone else, someone who would make him happy.

Her mobile thrummed on the coffee table. It was Alec.

_Holly, please._

-:-

Holly tried to ignore the letter from Karen’s parents sitting on the wide beaten aluminium platter she used as an inbox for her personal mail. She glanced at it every time she passed it on the table in the hall. Eventually, she snatched the letter off the plate with an exasperated sigh and a rapidly increasing heartbeat.

If they were pressing charges, the letter would have come from a lawyer or the police. But the address on the envelope was handwritten, and the stationery made of decent-quality paper. She found her letter opener and finally tore into the paper. Unable to ignore the letter, she might as well get it over with.

The two pieces of paper were shaking in her trembling hands as she began to read the letter, as she began reading the letter. The words surprised and moved her so much that she eventually had to go to the sofa to sit down so she could finish reading it. When she’d read through it twice, she lowered it to her lap, staring straight ahead.

It took her a while to process what Karen’s parents had said to her. The letter was handwritten with great care; no doubt they had drafted and then copied it. They told her bluntly that what she and Karen had done was wrong, and they were right to. What surprised Holly, however, was the fact that they decided not to report her to the authorities. _We were wrong to assume that Karen’s love was a product of her illness, but at a time of such great emotional stress you grasp at straws and try to find a way of explaining away what must not be. Her doctors told us that the tumour did not affect her judgment or emotions. Karen told us that she was the aggressor in your relationship, although, of course it would have been your job as a responsible adult to turn her away. But we know our daughter. She wouldn’t have given up easily._

Holly cupped her forehead as tears started spilling down her cheeks. That was true. She picked up the letter again to verify, through the blur of tears, that she hadn’t imagined their next words. _She told us, and we know now from her diary and emails to you, that apparently you were good for each other, and that you were always there for her, even after she was diagnosed. “I know it sounds horrible,” Karen said, “but I keep fighting for Holly.” She was right, it was horrible to hear at first, but in hindsight we are grateful that she had you. She could be herself with you, when she wasn’t feeling particularly well. She was always so strong and brave when we visited her. You made her feel better more than any of the chemicals and operations she had. And for that we would like to thank you._

Holly hadn’t mourned Karen properly so far. When she’d left her on that last morning, she’d known it was a goodbye forever, and she’d cried in the visitor toilets at the hospital, but not again since. It was as if she’d run dry of all emotions, which had made it so easy for her to fall for the prickly DI and agree to the deal. He took away her numbness. He took away so much of it that she’d felt alive again, even when she went on holiday.

She’d trusted him with her secret. Not even Mum knew very much about Karen and her, and when they talked on the phone, they never mentioned Karen. Mum didn’t even know Karen was dead. Mum didn’t know about Alec either. Well, that certainly was for the better. She’d just smile sadly and think what a failure her daughter was at finding herself a decent chap to settle down with.

She was right, of course.

Before Holly knew it, her grief for Karen turned into self-pity, but she needed to cry herself out to pick herself up again and embark on her new life. She’d pour all her emotions into her art; she knew it worked, and how cathartic it was. She’d take over the book club from old Mr Wilson and breathe some new life into it. She’d finally make a home of her new flat.

And try to love Alec enough to let him go.

Sniffling, Holly folded up the letter and returned it to the envelope. Their forgiveness and gratitude for brightening Karen’s last days was a relief, but it did not change the fact that she’d made a mistake for which she’d atone for the rest of her life.

Letting Alec go was a start.

_I can’t. So sorry. H x_


End file.
